Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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