I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
