I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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