How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
