Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
