My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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