hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
