I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
These tits shall not be calmed
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