just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
