I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
