the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
