I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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