so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
