he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
