I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
