Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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