I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
