You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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