That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
