I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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