the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
