May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
