My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I skipped work to stalk him.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
