Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
