She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
