Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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