One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
