I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
