You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he thought i was a dude.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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