is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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