It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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