I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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