Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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