I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
