Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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