Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
