True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
