textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
