I skipped work to stalk him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
