hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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