If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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