my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to calm my uterus...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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