oh god the rape fog is back!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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