remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
