Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
