At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
