i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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