You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
