It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
