I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
